december 1st--manifesto

 

journaling my christmas.

Yet another online class I am taking through Shimelle.com! 
I am so thrilled for this class to start tomorrow! I want a way to remember and cherish the holidays, and this seems to be a great fit for me.

In the past few years I have grown so disenchanted with the consumerism during the holidays. Besides the fact that I am not a shopper--I would much rather make gifts than buy them, and would also rather receive handmade gifts as well, thank you very much--it just seems to me that the lists, the shopping, the busy-ness of the holidays becomes this ridiculous, unavoidable plague that makes us dislike Christmas. I would do away with all the shopping and getting and receiving if I could... But what kind of schmuck would I be to show up to the relatives' and have nothing to give anyone?

Such a vicious cycle. This year, I am breaking it. I want the shopping and going and doing to mean something, to  be more, to be an aside to what else I am doing this Christmas. I want Christmas not to be so empty. I want to celebrate all that Christmas is, and all that it means for us as humans--that God gave His Son, and His Grace and abundance are real in our lives because of it. That HOPE is found in that little baby boy Jesus, and it is a hope to be shared throughout the generations. So Journal Your Christmas is a way for me to stop. To think about the Hope that is in Him. To take it all in. to delight in the joy of who God is, and that He was one of us. To celebrate CHRIST. My journal this year will be a way for me to share and express my joy and praise for the God who came to Earth so he could have relationships with us.

therapy.

Today was a doozy of a day--from coworkers who like to act like six-year-olds,  to sitting an hour and a half in traffic for what turned out to be a totally useless interview--things were just frustrating. The things I "had control" over went ok-- I got ahead of schedule on my work  and got a lot of sleep (not at work, last night!)-- but the little things I could do nothing about were for some reason just SO bothersome, and I couldn't shake them off.

So I came  home and cleaned the entire kitchen just to release some energy. But that wasn't enough. So after venting to Hubs in what probably sounded to the neighbors like completely REAMING him (do I mention how patient this man is in every blog I write? I think I do)...

I cooked. Cauliflower Onion Linguine. Don't knock it til you try it. Recipe below, although I recommend leaving out the red pepper flakes and just opting for regular cracked pepper. Too much of a strong thing, I think. Oh, also-- pine nuts are great, so if you have 'em, throw 'em on there like it says. And, congratulations on spending $21 a pound on some stupid nuts.

Anyway...

Something about creating that meal, focusing only on that, having so much to do but orchestrating and timing it perfectly so that it all comes out exactly how it ought, is such a cathartic and therapeutic process.

The pasta was done al dente. The cauliflower was crisp, but not tough. The breadcrumbs were crunchy and toasty-flavored. Ahhhh. I made something, and did it well. So satisfying.

I probably sound like Remy from Ratatouille right now, but, since he was one of my inspirations to start cooking (no, I am not joking, that movie was amazing!), it makes sense. I think it again just goes back to creating, and enjoying our creations (like obedient cauliflower), just as our Father created us, and delights in us when we do as He desires.

Lessons from Linguine--hey, he's from Ratatouille, too! Look at me writing all themed-like!

Here's the recipe, from Food Network Magazine:

Cauliflower-Onion Linguine

Ingredients

• Kosher salt
• 12 ounces linguine
• 4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)
• 1/2 cup fried onions, chopped
• 4 cups cauliflower florets, roughly chopped
• 1/2 to 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese, plus more for topping
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
• 1/4 cup pine nuts

Directions

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and cook as the label directs. Reserve 1 cup cooking water, then drain the pasta. Return to the pot and toss with 1 tablespoon olive oil.

Meanwhile, heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the garlic and cook about 30 seconds. Add the panko and fried onions and cook, stirring, until lightly toasted, about 3 minutes. Transfer to a plate; wipe out the skillet.

Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil in the skillet over medium-high heat. Add the cauliflower and cook until the edges brown, about 4 minutes. Add the red pepper flakes and toast 30 seconds. Add the reserved pasta water and cook until the liquid is reduced by half and the cauliflower is crisp-tender, about 1 more minute.

Add the pasta, onion mixture and parmesan to the skillet and toss. Season with salt. Top with the basil, pine nuts and more parmesan.


ENJOY!

create.

"Writing things down takes guts. It's one thing to think something in your head,to committ it to paper is another thing entirely . Things are more real, more concrete and more lasting once the ink is dry, and for that very reason everything about writing your true stories is daring. Know that from the beginning: you are taking a stance and making a decision by writing. There's nothing wishy-washy or noncommittal about pen and paper. As far as I see it, to write is to be strong."

These words are a quote from Shimelle, the teacher of the online class I am taking. Recently I've been exploring how much I love to create. Perhaps it is that I feel a connection to God, in that, just as He created the Earth in all its glory and beauty ex nihilo to reflect Himself, I too am taking regular materials or practices and creating something beautiful, unique, useful and a reflection of my self.
 

While creating is something I take delight in, it can also overwhelm me to the point where I just give up and quit (things that are different between me and God for $1000, Alex). I've grown increasingly frustrated with this in the past few months. There are a number of projects I've started, but most of them remain incomplete:

Blogging. Crocheting Scarves. Crocheting Flowers. Recipe Scrapbook. Honeymoon Scrapbook. Painting. Cupcake Experiments. Cooking. Baking.

The reason they remain incomplete is because they've just been swimming around in my head. This is not good. Exhibit A: Sunday morning. I was crying because I couldn't find my shoe or my sweater, I had left my car window open in the rain for two days, and I put on my underwear inside out. Poor Hubs. He puts up with all of this with such grace. Anyways...
 

I also love to write. LOVE to write. Everything Shimelle says in that note, I completely and fully resonante with. to me, nothing can be fully accomplished until it is committed onto paper. I even add items to my grocery list after I have placed them in my cart, just so that I can cross them off.

But sometimes, I want to do more with my writing. I want to make it beautiful. To share it. To decorate it and document it in a way more significant than just jotting in the scribbled, convoluted mess that is my notebook. Nobody can understand that mess. So this class is perfect for me. Not only does it combine some of my favorite things--photos, decorating, and writing--but Shimelle gives prompts, or ideas on where to start and what to do. And there are no deadlines. This way, I have written instructions to follow, but still have room for my, uh, "creativity." If that's what you want to call it. More like ridiculous whims put onto paper, I think.
 

Are you starting to see why I cook more than I bake? I don't have the patience for precision and timelines.
 

I will post pics of the pages I make. Luckily, there are no deadlines for the class, but I do want to keep up on it semi-regularly. And since I've written this down, I will. But I look forward to sharing it all with the three of you who read my blog! (one of whom is Hubs. He has to, or it makes me sad.)

the extra room.

The inspiration for our new room! I want it to be light, airy, and relaxing with a sunny feeling. And something I can easily change from season to season without having a lot of "stuff" packed away. I'm excited!

Also, looking forward to changing seasons, and the fall. Time for Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Pumpkin Cupcakes....and Apple Hill.... and our First Anniversary.... and Vacation.... It's hard to care about Summer when Fall is so much better.

moving.

So, my most recent revelation: I HATE moving. Not the actual moving the stuff from one place to another, or settling into a new place, or any of that. Its the incompleteness of it all. It's the "not yet, but soon" that causes me to feel foreign, not at home, and unsettled. Right now, our apartment, which is small to begin with, is half filled with boxes. The kitchen table is full of stuff we meant to pack, but didn't fit in the box. Our decorations are all packed away, and so are the DVDs. But there is also random crap everywhere--Bibles on the chest that holds the blankets, frames stacked against the wall, kitchen stuff in the living room. Things are all in the wrong places. To my typically organized and "everything needs a place" mind, it's a huge shock. It's driving me crazy. And then, since none of that is organized, I compensate by trying to organize everything else that probably doesnt need to be done yet, but I will for the sake of having something to organize. calling the utility companies to stop and start service. Researching prices on cable tv and internet. Writing lists of places to change our address with--dont forget Food Network Magazine! Planning which things to bring to the new place a couple days before "the move" and what things to leave for the big day.... UGH. So I call my poor Husband who is home sick to have him call Roseville Electric and cancel at the end of the month, along with a few other orders (yes, I'm calling them orders because really that's what they were), then proceed to break down crying in my office at work because I'm tired of feeling like I live in a cave, and of having stuff all over the place, and of the general mayhem and discord that is our life right now. In comes the voice of reason (Husband): "you are worried about too many things." Kenny tends to be able to couple great wisdom with simple truth--I hate it when he does that. But, like it or not, that Truth is what is needed--I am worried about many things, but only one thing is needed. Call me Martha. A friend reminded me just earlier today to spend time in His Word to be refreshed and renewed. It's the middle of my workday, but there isnt much to do right now, and I think I've hit the point where I need this more than I need to accomplish tasks: "But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but only one thing is necessary." Luke 10:41-42 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.Is not life more than food, nor the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap, or gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6: 25-33 That is all I need. Obedience and love for a Father who takes care of me. A cupcake might be nice, too. Speaking of cupcakes.... Icing on the Cupcake's Flavor of the Month is Georgia Peach.

I thought it would be really.... "peachy" (meaning fruity, not like, peachy keen) but it's light and fluffy and ohhhh sooo good.

Ok, on with my day. And you can get on with yours, too.

grace.

I had a professor in college who, whenever someone called another person "white trash," would respond by saying, "you mean, that person for whom Christ died?" I always remembered that response. I've also always felt called to working in a "helping" profession. I used to think that I felt called to this field because I was a person of character. Now I know it's because God wanted to develop my character--point for God. There is a family I work with that really... "provides me the opportunity" to develop my character. This family is the quintessential example of the of the "white trash" stereotype:

• Single mom of 8 kids, ages 3 -16 years. She just reached 6 years sober from every substance in the book.
• Don't forget the new Pit Bull puppy. (hey, it was free! insert eye roll here).
• No transportation--unless you count the Light Rail.
• They buy soda so that they can "make money off returning the cans." (think about that one for a minute)
• The house is a disaster--mud and food on the walls, dried up milk and fruit loops caked onto the table from Lord knows how long ago.
• Pretty much everything (except the TV) is broken.

Oh, and since they got the new pup, there is also dog urine in corners and dried onto the floor. It's the kind of place that makes me feel like I need to wash my whole body after leaving. During appointments, it is absolute chaos in the house. Kids literally are climbing up the furniture .At least four of the kids feel the compulsion to "need something" from mom, or are coming in asking questions that really could wait for--well, never--because they're not really questions about anything at all. Mom deals with it all by SCREAMING at the top of her lungs for them to stop and responding to every single annoying thing that they do on purpose to interrupt and annoy her. It's basically the opposite of how I believe a household should be run; of how I see myself raising a family someday. It's chaotic, there's no discipline, no follow through, no cleaning, just---yeeeeaaaaggggghhh. And yet, I love it. Not because I think chaos is great, or because I think, "ah, it must be so nice to be so free-spirited that I don't care that breakfast from three weeks ago is still on the table."

But because, with all of the things that they aren't, all the ways they don't live up to society's standards--there they are. They're honest about it. Mom doesn't try to hide that she made poor choices and has cleaned up. The focus is on what they are now, not what they were before. They live and exist because of grace, even though they don't know the Source of that grace.Kinda convicting, seeing as I know that Source, yet the majority of the time, I don't live by it. I wish I could tell them this; wish I could convey that God loves them and has had grace, and wants to bless them with even more in their lives...but have I even embraced that grace for myself? How can I communicate His Grace when I don't allow myself to experience it?

It wasn't until recently that I realized there is a reason this family welcomes me into their home, their lives, their business, and lay everything out for me to see. Because I will help them.

And they need help.

So I will listen to their story.I will try to relate.I will help. And I can hope that I will show grace as God shows grace to me. And hopefully, although I can't talk about God at work, they will know and see God's love and grace through the way I give support to their family. Because they are people for whom Christ died.